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This could also be titled "crime of the week" because it is so crazy but it also makes me very happy that I do not work for a local newspaper.
This paper must have been hurting for content because it uses 621 words to tell a story that could have been summed up in a 50-word brief.

You've heard the advice: Never run with scissors.
Here's some more advice: Don't run in flip-flops — especially when the cops are after you.
And especially when the flip-flops help police find you.
This is the story of a vacationing shoplifting suspect, his young companion and the flip-flops on their feet that, according to a report, actually helped police track down a barefoot man who tried to hide in a clothing store Tuesday afternoon.

She used the phrase "This is the story"? Are you kidding me?

Tommy Lee Patterson, 41, his wife and daughter, and Donald Gravley, 47, and his wife, and three teenage friends traveling with the two families were vacationing in the area from northern Georgia, police said.
About noon, as they were getting ready to head home, the vacationers decided to stop at the Wal-Mart on west Granada Boulevard and do a little shoplifting, police said.
Selecting everything from $33 worth of beef jerky to a variety of NASCAR T-shirts, beer and toilet paper, Patterson and Gravley and four teens strolled through the massive store filling their shopping cart, police said.

Ok, who would grab a VARIETY of NASCAR t-shirts and doesn't think the LP guys are watching them?

The group was being watched by a security officer who followed as they left the store with the brimming shopping cart. (Duh)

When asked whether they had a receipt for the $288.98 worth of goods, Patterson, Gravley and the teens scattered.
According to the report, though, Patterson decided to grab one of the teen girls who was with the group, and forced her to run with him as he eluded police.
This is where the shoes come in — both Patterson and the 14-year-old girl he grabbed wore flip-flops, Hayes said,
The chase was on.
Two Wal-Mart customers joined the pursuit when they found out Patterson had tried to steal from the store, police said.
The two good Samaritans, as police called them, were cousins Angel and Brian Graham of Ormond Beach.
The Grahams' footwear? Flip-flops.

Wow. That's like four people wearing flip-flops in the middle of summer. That's frickin' amazing.

Patterson and his young friend ran across Granada Boulevard — flip-flops still on their feet — and to the Lowe's home improvement store, the Graham cousins in tow, the report states.
At some point, Patterson and his young friend, and the Graham cousins, "ran out of their flip-flops."
When the flip-flops flew, the shoes landed in a pattern that left a trail of sorts.
"The officer who was chasing them apparently spotted a pair of flip-flops on the ground, then as he kept going, he spotted another pair of flip-flops," Hayes said. "You could say the shoes are what led the officers to the suspects."

Hey, that was the simplest investigation ever. Good job by the cops — superbad job by this reporter. This is such a non-story. And again, 621 words. To compare, the stories in Security Director News usually run about 500 words.

Patterson remained at the Volusia County Branch Jail on $4,500 bail Wednesday night. Gravley, meanwhile, was arrested on an outstanding warrant from Georgia. He remained at the jail without bail.
As for the flip-flops, it's not clear what happened to them.

This may be the worst story I have ever read. And it was on the paper's front page.

Other than knowing what month we are in, I can always tell by the news cycle when ASIS is right around the corner. Acquisitions start happening like crazy — HSM purchased Sonitrol and National Guardian's retail accounts business; Blackstone snapped up AlliedBarton and yesterday the news came through that Siemens acquired MAC Systems.

As many of you who read my editorials know, I do have a criminal history — once I took lip gloss from a a now mostly-defunct discount store (HINT: It was to get back at them for firing me) and a few months back, I didn't pay for a bag of nuts at an organic grocery store (but that was the cashier's fault.) But I have to say my past crimes are very small compared to some I see come through on the news each week. With that in mind, I am starting a new feature on this blog. Each week, I'll feature a "Crime of the Week." How sweet is that?

So let's get the party started. This one struck me not because of the amount of the stolen goods, but because these women used a creative ploy in their crime.

Moms uses kids in shoplifting scheme
CLAY COUNTY, Fla.—Two women accused of using their children as decoys in a shoplifting scheme were arrested at a Clay County department store on Tuesday.
Investigators arrested Melissa Blankenship, 22, and Alicia Metcalf, 30, outside the Kohl's store in Fleming Island when one of the store's loss prevention officers stopped the pair.
According to a police report, a loss prevention officer told deputies the women were seen in the store taking clothing from hangers and placing the garments underneath their children, who were sitting in shopping carts.

(So glad my parents never used me as a decoy. Thanks Mom and Dad!)

"A couple of moms started getting creative and they used their children actually to be able to store and hide the merchandise," said Clay County Sheriff's Office Lt. Donnie Deas.
A loss prevention officer told authorities he saw Blankenship and Metcalf leave the store and approached the women in the parking lot.
"They started arguing in the parking lot until finally the loss prevention officer was able to quell the argument and talk to them and bring them into custody for further questioning," Deas said.
He said after further questioning, officers found more stolen items in a diaper bag left in the car by Blankenship. In total, $687 in merchandise was stolen from the store.
Deputies said both women changed their stories several times before admitting to taking the garments, according to a police report.

(I can hear it now. "I didn't know my two-year-old son was a shoplifter! I am shocked!)

Deas said what the women will face in a court of law is nothing compared to the court of public and family opinion.
Blankenship and Metcalf were arrested and taken to the Clay County Jail, where Metcalf — a registered convicted felon — is being held on $5,000, and Blankenship is being held on $750 bond.

(Why anyone can have kids is beyond me. There should be a mandatory test in place.)

So there you have it, our first "Crime of the Week." If any of you have crazy stories to tell, suggestions welcome.

And this time it is not retail. I saw this story this morning and it really baffles me. How does $44 million of product disappear into thin air?
A truck loaded with $44 million worth of expensive cancer-fighting medication was stolen Wednesday, July 16, in what appears to be the latest instance a growing trend of highly organized truck and trailer thefts, Land Line magazine (the business magazine for professional truckers) reported yesterday.
The truck was stolen from a TA (brand or kind of stop? I'm not quite sure) truck stop parking lot in Jeffersonville, Ohio, while its drivers were inside for about seven minutes.

Ok, if there is a TEAM of drivers, why were they all inside the stop together? If I was in charge of transporting $44 MILLION worth of pharmaceuticals I most certainly would not leave that darn truck alone for five seconds.

The thieves disabled the truck’s GPS before quickly swapping out a tractor and trailer, which is consistent with how some Miami-based gangs operate, said Chuck Forsaith, corporate director for supply chain security at Coventry, Rhode Island-based Purdue Pharma Technologies Inc.

The gang actually had time to swap out the trailer to a new truck? And disabled the GPS? Wouldn't that take a bit more than seven minutes? Maybe they are highly efficient, just like ORC gangs? I can't even write a story in seven minutes, let along move around heavy machinery. Maybe it's time to take a closer look at my productivity.

The trailer of cancer-fighting prescription drugs had an estimated retail value of $44 million.

Again, $44 million. Why would you leave that unattended again?